How to Facilitate Their Kinks and Fetishes (or how you can express your own)
For a handful of years, I was a professional Dominatrix. (If you’re in the BDSM community, you recognize this is the inappropriate term. I use it because it’s the word civilians know).
Being an insider from the kink/BD/SM community, I’m the only one I know of that remarks that there is no delineation between “vanilla” and “kinky.” I say everyone’s kinky.
A ‘fetish’ is when one gets sexual gratification from an object, bodypart, or activity which is apart from one or another’s sexual organ. A ‘kink’ is a *deviation from the norm* (like if you have a straight line, or rope, or hair and you’ve got a kink, it’s one that’s deviated from the standard).
No one is truly vanilla. They’re just into their own things. Remember, vanilla is to presume someone is plain, or boring, or unadventurous. Groups that delineate between kinky and vanilla are merely using it to create an ingroup and an outgroup (persons not in their psycho/demo/sociography, are vanilla).
But they’re not vanilla. They’re just into their own things. Just like everyone’s kinky in their own way because everyone, if they’re to act by their nature, will deviate from the norm – a norm which is established by social conventions, religions and traditions (i.e. in some states, having sex in anything but missionary is illegal).
With that said, what do you learn from this? You learn that you’re kinky and your partner/s are kinky. The challenge-domain is how you facilitate their kink.
Here’s how you do it: you ask. This is so banal, it’s overlooked. Here are some questions you can delve into:
“What sorts of things are you into?” “What sorts of things turn you on?” “Could you share with me some of your fantasies that you’d never ever utter in public?” “If you were to share with me your innermost sexual desire, what would it be?” “What does it look like for you when you’re completely utterly turned on and aroused?” “Do you prefer to be dominant or submissive or depending or neither?”
Let me know how it goes for you 😃 Stay kinky.
About The Author
Jax Solomon is a master masseur at Tantra By Jax in Las Vegas with 85+ 5-star reviews! If you’re ready for a relaxing and exhilarating sensual massage experience, you can see if a Tantra Massage by Jax is something you’d like to explore by clicking here.